You Can Catch More Flies With Honey Than With Vinegar: Using Empathy with Colleagues
May 20th, 2010
As an organization communications consultant, I am often brought in to work with teams who are not performing at their highest potential. Organizations often have members who are solely focused on individual achievement rather than the mission of the group. The sweetest words colleagues can hear are others reflecting their emotions (empathy). The vinegar words are others repeatedly using I statements: “I want you to complete this task, I know what’s best for the group, etc.”
In the work environment, empathy working with colleagues has 2 components:
1. Tuning in to others’ feelings and emotions. This involves being able to empathize with how others experience situations.
Practical application – When working on a project with a problematic team member, take a moment to look at this situation from his perspective. What is his primary motivator or emotion, self-interest, fear, anger, etc.?
2. Being socially adept at responding to others’ emotions. While it is great to be able to see where others are coming from, it is worthless without an appropriate response. Let your colleague know that you can see the situation from his perspective.
Practical application – After you’ve uncovered what emotion is driving him, say “it seems as though you are angry because your marketing idea was shot down. Is this accurate?”
Displaying empathy with colleagues serves 2 purposes. First, it helps you create meaningful relationships with colleagues. People who are empathetic are more likeable and perceived as team players. Second, it gives you insight for developing projects that use the strengths of the various team members. Empathy is the honey in successfully working with colleagues to achieve the organizational mission.
